Now. Things will start happening.now. No more tomorrow will be the day being thin becomes a proper reality. Things are going to start now. I'm sick and tired of being a Fat fucking Failure. It's bollix.
Will swallowing toothpaste help me purge? I cut the back of my throat last week and i cant use my fingers really...please let me know ASAP all this food inseide me right now...i dont know what to do please please help???
Yes basically love how my Dad is worried i study too much and put myself under pressure with school but is totally ignorant to the fact that i have an ED *Sarcasm* Well i guess its only slight sarcasm as i don't know what i'd do if they knew what's really going on. It's weird admitting to myself (again) that somethings wrong with me, i don't know it just feels so much more real this time..as though it'll never end, i guess last time i felt like i could stop if i wanted to..
best friend rang me after cutting herself, says im the only one she can talk to..probably because she knows i self-harm too and thinks i can help her.. so i now its not just my life i fuck up but others aswell..
tis w/e has been one of the worst, got mega drunk on friday and binged, but at least i didnt break down cryin in front of everyone lyk the last few times. yesterday, god i dont think i have ever been so depressed in my life, i started writing a journal though and everytime i feel a binge coming on im going to read it but it might make me more depressed readng it.. -my life sucks -my body sucks and mother is totally suspic.ughh
hmm yday was great..todays ok had about 250 cals so far, had not planned on having that much by this stage in the day, am staying in a friends house later and she always has loads of food....am going to just say i've eaten but she gets suspic mega easily ughhh i havent seen her in ages and now im going to be in a bad mood with her if i eat?
had such a good day in school, am doing really well and now i feel good about myself im usually more likely to minge and then feel shit about myself...
ughhh sorry about the rant..
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